Part 2: Chapter Five

     Holden landed safely in the wood next to the hut where Legless lived.

     "Legless!" he shouted. "I'm back from Doom Mountain."

     Legless whispered from behind him "Shhh. Hush now, Holden. We're being watched. Give me the Schwanz so I can sense who's out there."

     "Um, yeah, about that. I kind of threw it into a pool of lava," laughed Holden.

     "WHAT!?!!" Legless screamed, turning his back to the trees to face Holden. Suddenly, half-man half-boar creature that looked to be part of the ursidae family ran from the woods, screaming. Without breaking eye contact with Holden, Legless lifted his bow and shot the monster. "What were you thinking!?!? That's it Holden. Your quest is over. You will never get the Goblet of Water!!! You will never be a true Jed!"

     "A what? Actually, you know what, fine!" Holden said, faking a sad expression. "I'll just go." He turned away and smiled, rubbing his hands together malevolently. "At least, that's what you think."

     "What was that Holden?" Legless shouted from his front door.

     "Nothing. I'm just crying like a baby out here. No need to tell your friends. I already posted a video on Future Facebook. It has a billion likes already," Holden shouted back. "Or at least, that's what you think," he said, rubbing his hands together again.

     "What?" Legless shouted.

     "NOTHING!!!!" Holden yelled back as he creeped into the forest.

     For three hours, Holden crouched in the shadows, watching the hut. When the light in the window went out and the chimney stopped smoking, Holden snuck into the house, picked a frying pan up off of a small counter, and walked over to Legless' bed. He pulled back the covers and smacked Legless in the head with the pan.

     "OW!" Legless yelled, rubbing his head. "Wait, Holden? What was that for?" Holden hit him again. "Hey! Stop that!"

     "Where's the Goblet of Water?" Holden demanded.

     "Is that what this breaking and entering is about? A red plastic cup that some kid crumpled and painted gold?"

     Holden hit him across the head again. "YES! Now, where's the Goblet of Water!?" Holden said, raising the pan, ready to swing.

     "Okay okay! I'll tell you. The Goble--"

     "TOO LATE!"

     Holden dragged Legless out to the edge of the woods where he had constructed a spinning torture wheel. He tied Legless onto the device.

     "Oh Legless!" he yelled, throwing a bucket of ice cold future water at the elf Ice Bucket Challenge style. Legless jumped, startled at the sudden thrust into consciousness.

     "Bees, get me down from here!"

     "NEVER! Not until you tell me where to Goblet of Water is!"

     "I was going to BEFORE I knew you were INSANE!!!"

     "Wrong answer!" Holden said, spinning the wheel. He withdrew his throwing knives, making sure they caught the light and redirected it into Legless' eyes.

     "What are those? BEES WHAT ARE THOSE?!?!"

     "I never told you of my skill with the blade," Holden whispered to Legless as he seductively liked a knife, accidently cutting his tongue. "Ow! Crap, that hurt like anything!" He turned to his victim. "NOW YOU WILL LEARN OF MY SKILLS!" He threw five knives at the elf, missing only by inches with each. On purpose, of course. The blades were buried deep into the wood of the spinning wheel.

     "BEES!!!" yelled Legless desperately.

     "WHERE'S THE GOBLET?!" Holden shouted, throwing his machete. It landed right between the elf's legs.

     "HOLDEN STOP!"

     "Where is THE GOBLET!?" Holden screamed, withdrawing his meat cleaver, preparing to take his final shot.

     "IT'S IN THE CHEST IN MY HOUSE!!!"

     Holden lowered his arm and said "See, that wasn't so hard, now was it? Just in the chest then?"

     "Ye-Yeeessss," sobbed Legless

     "Thank you for you assistance, Legless," said Holden, who bowed to the elf, lifted the meat cleaver, and threw it, crushing Legless' face. Quickly, he untied the body and threw it into a nearby swamp. When he was sure it was well hidden, Holden went to the hut and opened the chest. Inside was a crumpled, gold-painted, red plastic cup. He reached in and grabbed it. Suddenly, Holden felt his body being pulled and, within seconds, he had been sucked into the cup.

     "IT'S A PORTKEY!!!" he screamed. "DANGIT!!!"

     He felt his feet touch ground and opened his eyes. He was in a UFO. A tall, dark skinned man walked up to him.

     "And who would you be?" the man asked.

     "I'm Holden Secretbees, and I'm here to save the world from the aliens. Who are you?"

     "I'm Mace Windi, and my intentions are--"

     Holden cut him off, saying "Has anyone ever told you that you look like that guy from Pulp Fiction?"

     "No," replied Mace. "Now, as I was saying, my goal is the same as yours. I too sought out the Goblet of Water in hopes that it would be able to destroy the aliens. Like you, I found it to be a fake. While I have been trapped here, I hacked into the alien's computers and found some very interesting information. They seem to have traveled back to the 1920s to take over the world before we had the weapons to fight back. If they accomplish this goal, all human life as we know it will end. I have managed to turn this old police box I found lying around into a time machine. I actually just finished the final step, the purple paint job, right when you got here. Together, we will use this machine, which I--HEY!"

     Holden had went over to the machine and had painted over the "A" on the machines name with red paint, making it a "U".

     "What are you doing!" Mace shouted.

     "Haha, TURDIS! If you don't mind me saying, it sure looks like it 'is' a 'turd' XD," Holden laughed.

     "Arg! Now I'm going to have to repaint it later. You know... um... what was your name again?" Mace asked.

     "Holden."

     "That's not a time traveler's name! Come up with a better one. Oh, I know! From know on, you are to be known as Doctor What!"

     "Sounds good to me," Holden laughed. "Uh, quick question."

     "What?" asked Mace Windi.

     "Like, why did you name it that dumb name when TURDIS is so much more clever?"

     "It's an acronym. It stands for Time and Rewinding Days in Centuries."

     "That doesn't even make any sense, Mace." Holden grabbed the alien blaster off the table and shot the man, creating a one-foot-in-diameter hole in his Mace's chest. "However, I prefer to work alone." Holden stepped over the dead body, careful not to trip, and entered the TURDIS, setting course for the 1920s.

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