"I'm, BOOP, sorry brother. BEEP, idk what came over me," said Holdution.
"It's okay, Douchey. Life happens sometimes. Know what I'm sayin'?"
"Yes, BEEP BOP, I do," said Holdution. "I guess, since, BOP, my dad is Mercution, I'm half evil."
At that moment Holden realized that they were still falling.
"Douchey, are you going to fly us out of here?" asked Holden.
"I can't fly, BOOP. Can you?" asked Holdution.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot! I just have so many godly powers I forget about them sometimes."
Holden farted and he and his half-brother were propelled back to the surface. They boarded the pirate ship and Holden addressed the crew.
"Ahoy, me scally wags," he said. "I would like to introduce you all to me half-brother, Douchey!"
"MY NAME IS HOLDUTION!" said Holdution.,
"Why are your names so similar?" asked a crew member.
"What do you mean?" responded Holden.
"Well, why would both of your names shtart with 'hold'?"
"I still don't get it," said Holden.
"Never mind, sha sha," said the crew member.
"No no no, come forward," said Holden. The crew member, a sexy older gentleman, walked up to Holden. "What's your name?"
"Sean Connery, sha sha!" said Sean Connery. "Shtar of the shtage and shcreen! Winner of an academy award for besht supporting actor!"
"Are you just reading your Wikipedia page?" asked Holden.
"Schertainly not, sha sha!" replied Sean Connery as he quickly put his hand behind his back.
"What did you just hide behind your back?"
"Nothing at all my good shir."
"Was that a smart phone? Now I know you're just reading Wikipedia," said Holden, slightly annoyed.
"I am not. You have inshulted me with the mere shuggeshtion!"
"Okay, then prove it. When's your birthday?"
"Oh look!" exclaimed Sean Connery. "A shooting shtar!" Sean Connery quickly pulled out his phone again and started frantically entering his password. "Darn technology! Always making me look shtupid!" Finally on the fourth try he unlocked it. He looked at the screen intensely until he found what he needed. "Augusht 25th 1930."
"That's not what always makes you look stupid, Mr. Connery. And hey, what the heck? Do you think I didn't watch you pull out your phone, struggle to unlock it, read for the screen, and then put it back?" asked Holden, dumbfounded.
"I haven't the shlightesht idea what you're talking about," responded Connery innocently.
"BOP. Seriously, Mr. Connery, that was pathetic," said Holdution.
"Shut up Holdution!" yelled Holden.
"This bringsh me back to my original point, sha sah. Why are your namesh sho shimialr?"
"Well, Mr. Connery, do you have a brother?" asked Holden.
"Yesh shir, sha sah!"
"Is his name Dawn Connery?" asked Holden.
"No, hish name ish..." Sean Connery pulled out his phone again and after a few minutes of struggling he found his brother's Wikipedia page. "Neil! Yesh, that'sh it. If hish name shounded like mine, that would be rather shtrange, jusht like how you and your brother have similar--"
"AVADA KHEDAHVRA!" shouted Holden, and with that Mr. Connery was dead.
"Why would you do that?" asked Holdution in shock.
"A great man once said 'one death is a tragedy; one million is a statistic'," said Holden.
"What, that was beautiful. And scary," said Holdution. "Who was that quote from?"
"Stalin."
"What?"
"Set the course for Planet Kamino!" yelled Holden.
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"Are you just reading your Wikipedia page?" asked Holden.
"Schertainly not, sha sha!" replied Sean Connery as he quickly put his hand behind his back.
"What did you just hide behind your back?"
"Nothing at all my good shir."
"Was that a smart phone? Now I know you're just reading Wikipedia," said Holden, slightly annoyed.
"I am not. You have inshulted me with the mere shuggeshtion!"
"Okay, then prove it. When's your birthday?"
"Oh look!" exclaimed Sean Connery. "A shooting shtar!" Sean Connery quickly pulled out his phone again and started frantically entering his password. "Darn technology! Always making me look shtupid!" Finally on the fourth try he unlocked it. He looked at the screen intensely until he found what he needed. "Augusht 25th 1930."
"That's not what always makes you look stupid, Mr. Connery. And hey, what the heck? Do you think I didn't watch you pull out your phone, struggle to unlock it, read for the screen, and then put it back?" asked Holden, dumbfounded.
"I haven't the shlightesht idea what you're talking about," responded Connery innocently.
"BOP. Seriously, Mr. Connery, that was pathetic," said Holdution.
"Shut up Holdution!" yelled Holden.
"This bringsh me back to my original point, sha sah. Why are your namesh sho shimialr?"
"Well, Mr. Connery, do you have a brother?" asked Holden.
"Yesh shir, sha sah!"
"Is his name Dawn Connery?" asked Holden.
"No, hish name ish..." Sean Connery pulled out his phone again and after a few minutes of struggling he found his brother's Wikipedia page. "Neil! Yesh, that'sh it. If hish name shounded like mine, that would be rather shtrange, jusht like how you and your brother have similar--"
"AVADA KHEDAHVRA!" shouted Holden, and with that Mr. Connery was dead.
"Why would you do that?" asked Holdution in shock.
"A great man once said 'one death is a tragedy; one million is a statistic'," said Holden.
"What, that was beautiful. And scary," said Holdution. "Who was that quote from?"
"Stalin."
"What?"
"Set the course for Planet Kamino!" yelled Holden.
Return Home
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