A loud siren was booming out of Holden's ship in sync with seven-point-five flashing red lights. The turbulence was throwing Holden around in the cockpit of his ship. Every time he hit a new pocket of future space matter he was almost tossed out.
"Shucks," Holden shouted. Just then he hit a giant future space matter pocket and was thrown into an asteroid. Future space rocket fluid began spraying everywhere. He looked around, frantically trying to find Planet Robot. He looked down and saw it; a giant sphere made of metal sheets bolted together. The first hand-made planet.
"I'M GOING DOWN!!!" he screamed whilst putting on his flying squirrel suit. "I swore I would never do this again," he said to himself, but he realized he had no other choice. "YOLO!!!" He jumped.
Holden zoomed down to Planet Robot at five-hundred future miles per future hour. Suddenly, he felt a strong pull to his right.
"NO!!!" Holden screamed. "I'm caught in the rotation of Planet Robot!"
Due to the magnetic properties of the planet, the orbital force was incredibly massive, and caught anything in its path that wasn't equipped with an orbital force negation device.
Holden tried to propel himself out using his flight powers, but there was nothing he could do. The pull was far too powerful. Suddenly, he felt a large rumble reverberate through his whole body, and he rolled himself over to see what had caused it.
"AH!!!" he screamed. Hurtling towards him was a giant future pirate ship, crewed by future pirates. "They're gonna kill me!" he shrieked, but then he had an idea. If he stretched out his arm Holden could just reach the future anchor as the ship passed and use it to pull himself out of the orbital force. This was his only chance. He reached and reached with all his might, and, just as he thought he had missed it, Holden felt his fingers wrap around the anchor. "YES!"
Holden grabbed on with his only hand and slowly he felt himself being pulled form his gravitational trap. He pulled himself up the chain, climbing to the top. When he reached the deck of the ship, Holden could hear the crew working tirelessly. Yet, he couldn't see them.
"Hello, is anyone here?" Holden whispered.
"Hola, Holden," a mysterious yet friendly and trustworthy voice said from behind him. Holden turned around to see his old friend Hugo Chavez. "Buenos días, Holden. Or is it the noche; night? I can never tell in future outer space."
"Uh, alrighty then. So, I thought you died, Hugo, but here you are."
"No, really?! I wasn't aware that I was stabbed in the back and left to die there like a filthy animal. The injury wasn't even severe. Blood was barely flowing. Like, a small bandage could have fixed it. BUT YOU LEFT ME THERE TO DIE!!!" Suddenly the president lunged at Holden and tackled him to the floor, crushing Holden with his considerable weight. "I COULD HAVE LIVED!!! I WA DOWN THERE FOR SIXTY YEARS AS THE BLOOD SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY DRIPPED OUT. DRIP. DRIP. DRIP! DRIP!!" The president screamed, his fiery hot sauce spit spraying Holden's face. Then, he raised his right, gloved, hand and slowly began removing the glove.
"You know that place is still open," continued Chavez, "and every single day people came to do their work, but did anybody stop to help me? No. After cinco años they just put a rug on me and pretended I wasn't there. I swore that when I died I would haunt them into madness, but el diablo gave me a better option, a mucho better option. I could be born again, but only if I carried out his bidding on the illegal Mercado de negro of blue cabbages on the illegal Mercado de negro of blue cabbages. In turn, he would make everyone who ever wronged me pay for what they have done." He had removed the glove to reveal a shiny metal hand. "My crew is made up of the lost souls of all who have wronged me, and the only one missing is you!" he shouted, flicking his wrist. His hand transformed into a metal hook and he slowly raised it up to swing. "TIEMPO TO JOIN ME, HOLDEN!"
The president whisked his arm down, and Holden thrust his head to the side just in time to miss Hugo's swing. His hook lodged into the wood of the ship and Holden humped out from under him.
"I don't think so, Mr. President," Holden laughed.
"AHHH!!!" Hugo screamed, morphing his hand into a giant spinning drill. He tor his hand from the ships floor and morphed it into a sharp clawed glove. He ran at Holden with outstretched arms, ready to rip his face to shreds.
"Crap. I mean, not today, Chavez!" Holden yelled and humped at him. Everything turned slow motion, and Holden propelled his body towards Hugo's arm. When he was close enough to reach it, Holden pulled the metal arm towards his face, biting it off of the president.
"NO!" Chavez screamed, holding his bloody stump. "You will pay for this, Holden. YOU WILL PAY!" He stumbled back onto the edge of the ship, losing his footing. "NOOOOO!" He fell over the edge and into the black abyss of future space below. Holden pulled out his trusty Big Dipper Super Hyper Glue and glued the metal hand to his stump. It was a perfect fit.
"Sweet," Holden said, testing out his new hand's shape shifting abilities, "I'm like that evil guy in Terminator 2 now." Just then he realized that the ship was ablaze in light. He looked around and noticed that he could see the ghostly crew. "This is so rad. I got a new epic hand AND I hold power over an entire crew of ghostly sailors. With power like this, I could rule the entire galaxy and strike down all who oppose me. Mwahahaha. MWAHAHAHAH. MWAHAHAHAHAHA-kghk-Mwah-ghkkgk-mwghkkkkk-m-kkkkgkg-ha ha," Holden laughed joyfully. "Men!" he shouted. "Land this ship on Planet Robot. Chip chop chip!"
The ship landed with the graceful sound of metal screeching against metal. It was weird though, because, when he hand the heavy metal steps lowered, he swore he heard a scream followed by the sound of crushing metal and the smell of robotic death. Yet, when he walked down the stairs there was nobody to be seen.
"Well, that was odd," Holden said to himself. "Just keep her docked here for now. I'll be back in a bit," he shouted to his crew.
Holden walked around and realized that they had landed the ship right in the middle of a super mall of the future. It was like a normal mall, but more super and in the future. Oddly, Holden noticed, there was nobody around.
"I found him! Get down!" a very cool and athletic voice said from behind Holden. Holden turned to see an athletic looking soldier with the barrel of a gun pointed in his direction.
"Hey, you're not a robot," Holden said. "Planet Robot isn't inhabited by people. Who are you?"
"The name's Michael Jordan and I'm the commander of the Future Military of Future Earth for the Protection of All Future Space and Future Earth Civilians in the Past, Present, Future, Fasture, and Futent Times. The FMFEPAFSFECPPFFF for short. My battalion was sent here to protect this planet from the evil clutches of Mercution. Everything was fine and dandy until Mercution and his army of robot space pirates performed a terrorist attack on this very mall just now."
"Wait, an att--"
"I didn't sign up for this," Jordan interrupted. "I'm just trying to pay my way through television law school. I mean--"
"Wait wait wait. Mercution attacked here?" Holden interrupted.
"Didn't you see the wreckage? They crashed their ship into the mall and crushed the Space Wide Galaxy Ambassador?"
"The what now?"
"The SWGA. You've never heard of him? Didn't you go to school?"
"Yes, but only for 1920's slang and deduction, not for lame things like interplanetary relations. I wanted a useful degree. I ain't no nerd."
"Well, basically, he's the ambassador of every planet and civilization that exists. Whenever a dispute arises between feuding civilizations he comes in and negotiates with himself on behalf of all parties involved. In fact, he was just on his way to Robot Barack Obama's house to get the final deal signed until he was assassinated. It seems Mercution has changed his mind about the peace treaty and is now declaring all out war! Even worse, he did it with stairs; the ultimate sign of hatred and war in the galaxy."
"Don't lecture me about the evilness of stairs, Jordan. Stairs killed my father! The use of stairs has made this a personal matter! I will find Mercution! I need to stop him! How could he have done that! Michael, I need an army. Where can I get a strong powerful military force without effort or money?"
"Well, there is one place, but nobody dares go there. It's the home planet of the most hated being in the galaxy. Planet Dlanor."
"Dlanor? But I killed him so many times," Holden said. "How does he keep coming back?"
"Believe me, so have I. We have all tried to kill the one known as Dlanor, and we have all failed. Every time he dies he is transported to Planet Dlanor and given a second chance at life, and every single time this happens a new Dlanor takes his place out in the world. There used to be only one Dlanor on Planet Dlanor, and nobody minded him. However, about one-hundred years ago the planet began flooding with them. We simply cannot support a population of that size. It's impossible. Yet, we've tried our best to develop population control, and nothing works. When he dies he is sent there, and once there he cannot die."
"I see. And do you think he will agree to fight?"
"I'm certain of it. Dlanor holds a strong hatred for Mercution and will do whatever it takes to defeat him."
"Perfect. I'll take Mercution's ship and travel to Planet Dlanor," said Holden, turning to walk to his ship.
"I'll come with you. I want to fight Mercution as well. Together we could make defeating Mercution a slam dunk!"
"Sorry, but no can do," said Holden, turning to Jordan. He formed his hand into a drill and shred the soldiers face into a pulp. "Well," Holden said, "see ya!"
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