"Wowza!" he remarked, looking around to observe his surroundings. He realized that he was in Ye Olde West Future Town.
In his school history books, Holden had learned about Ye Olde West Future Town. He remembered something about a bombing and total destruction of the city, followed by it being rebuilt, blahdy blahdy blah. Holden was an awful student who never remembered any details, and he was proud of it. Without a real plan, Holden began walking down the street like a boss.
Just then, a police car came racing down the street at exactly two-hundred fmph (future miles per hour). It slammed on the brakes in front of Holden, stopping only inches from his toes. An officer stepped out of the car.
"Have you seen this boy?" the officer asked, holding up a photograph.
"What? Who?" Holden responded.
"I said, were you just walking?" the officer asked, undressing Holden with his eyes.
"WOAH! Dude, what's going on here. Stop looking at me like that!" Holden stammered, covering his private bits.
"What are you doing? Now stop messing around and answer me. Were you jus walking?"
"Oh my god!" Holden shouted. "Seriously, have some decency." He was frantically moving his hands from his crotch to his chest in an attempt to cover himself. "IS IT A CRIME TO WALK OR SOMETHING!" he screamed.
"Actually, yes. You're under arrest, pedestrian!"
The officer took out a pair of handcuffs, but Holden was too fast. He killed him with a quick throat punch. Again, without a plan, Holden decided to stroll down the street. After about forty seconds, Holden saw a depressed and scared looking man walking along the sidewalk towards him.
"Hey, idiot!" Holden yelled. "What's your name?"
The man walked up to him and said "I'm Guy."
"I'm a guy too, bro," said Holden "but you don't see me prancing around announcing it to the world."
"No, my name is Guy. Guy Montag, to be exact."
"Tell me, Guy. Is that a rare copy of the Bible in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" asked Holden.
"Alright, you got me. I know I'm supposed to burn the books, but I just want to read them all!"
"What are you, a nerd or something?"
"Actually, I'm a fireman," said Guy.
"Then why the heck you startin' fires man?"
"Firemen have always started fires! Beatty told me so."
"Listen, I don't know who this Beatty is, but he sounds like a chump bucket. Maybe you should beat-y him up."
"I don't have time for this! I have to get this book to Faber! We're going to start printing new books so that everyone can start reading again!"
"Why don't you do me a Faber and stop talking to me!" laughed Holden.
"What?" asked Guy, confused.
"It was a joke, ass-wagon," scoffed Holden. "No one appreciates comedy anymore."
"Please just leave me alone now. I have to start printing these books."
"You listen to me, Guy! I don't know what kind of sicko would like to destroy a utopia where nobody has to read, but I'm going to stop you!"
"You can never stop a man who truly believes in himself!" exclaimed Montag, but just then Holden executed a perfect dropkick to the jaw of Guy Montag. Montag fell to the ground, unconscious.
"Maybe this time, I'll let him live," said Holden. "I kill a lot of people, and this guy seems nice enough." Just then, a giant mechanical dog with Octopus legs pounced on Guy and dragged him out of sight. "Oh good, his puppy came to bring him home" said Holden as he walked away, a smile on his face.
Once more, without a real purpose, Holden walked down the street. After thirty-five seconds, Holden once again saw a man walking towards him.
"Hey, handsome idiot!" yelled Holden. "What's your--OMG! It's Brad Pitt!"
"No need to react, subject," said Pitt. "I'm the unofficial King of Hollywood. You don't have to treat me like George Clooney."
Holden fell to his knee. "Sorry, my lord," he wept. "I am here to do your bidding."
"Arise, we have much to do," Brad responded.
Without asking questions, Holden followed King Pitt to his car. The two hopped in and headed off towards an old aircraft hangar. When they had arrived, Brad instructed Holden to get into his private jet.
"We're about to start and end this war," Pitt said.
"What war?"
"The war for Hollywood! Mr. Clooney believes he can be Hollywood's leading man. I'll show him! I'll make the biggest blockbuster that the world has ever seen!"
"How?" asked Holden.
"Are you not listening? BLOCKBUSTER! We destroy West Future Town, literally busting all of the blocks!"
"Oh, cool. I mean, why not? YOLO, right?" laughed Holden
"YOLO indeed. YOLO indeed..."
The jet took off and King Pitt went to the porcelain throne of Hollywood.
"Holden, is that you?" asked a voice from the cockpit. Holden walked to the cockpit door and discovered Dlanor piloting the plane.
"D?" asked Holden. "When did you get your pilot's license?" Dlanor opened his mouth to answer, but Holden punched him before he could speak any words. "JK, Dlanor, I hate you!"
"Would you hate someone who has a piece of the Age Decompiler?"
"Yes," said Holden as he killed Dlanor with a throat kick.
The toilet flushed and Pitt walked out of the latrine and looked at the bloody mess. He looked up at Holden and asked "Did you just kill the pilot?"
"Yep."
"Well, now our plane is falling to the ground with a huge bomb in the cargo bay."
"Okay," said Holden.
"Do you, by chance, know how to fly?" asked Pitt.
"Flying's easy!"
"Good, I was scared for a second."
"Me too. LOL," laughed Holden as he made himself hover a foot above the plane's floor.
"Wait, you can literally fly? I thought you could fly the plane!" cried Pitt.
"Nope. See you later!"
Holden used magic to blast through the plane's wall. Grabbing Dlanor's body, he jumped from the plain and watched it, Pitt and all, crash down into the city below. Within seconds, pictures of Pitt and special editions of Fight Club were raining from the heavens. All of the orphans were adopted, and Brad Pitt finally won the war for Hollywood. But at what cost, wondered Holden as he searched Dlanor's pocket for the Age Decompiler.
Return Home
"What are you doing? Now stop messing around and answer me. Were you jus walking?"
"Oh my god!" Holden shouted. "Seriously, have some decency." He was frantically moving his hands from his crotch to his chest in an attempt to cover himself. "IS IT A CRIME TO WALK OR SOMETHING!" he screamed.
"Actually, yes. You're under arrest, pedestrian!"
The officer took out a pair of handcuffs, but Holden was too fast. He killed him with a quick throat punch. Again, without a plan, Holden decided to stroll down the street. After about forty seconds, Holden saw a depressed and scared looking man walking along the sidewalk towards him.
"Hey, idiot!" Holden yelled. "What's your name?"
The man walked up to him and said "I'm Guy."
"I'm a guy too, bro," said Holden "but you don't see me prancing around announcing it to the world."
"No, my name is Guy. Guy Montag, to be exact."
"Tell me, Guy. Is that a rare copy of the Bible in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" asked Holden.
"Alright, you got me. I know I'm supposed to burn the books, but I just want to read them all!"
"What are you, a nerd or something?"
"Actually, I'm a fireman," said Guy.
"Then why the heck you startin' fires man?"
"Firemen have always started fires! Beatty told me so."
"Listen, I don't know who this Beatty is, but he sounds like a chump bucket. Maybe you should beat-y him up."
"I don't have time for this! I have to get this book to Faber! We're going to start printing new books so that everyone can start reading again!"
"Why don't you do me a Faber and stop talking to me!" laughed Holden.
"What?" asked Guy, confused.
"It was a joke, ass-wagon," scoffed Holden. "No one appreciates comedy anymore."
"Please just leave me alone now. I have to start printing these books."
"You listen to me, Guy! I don't know what kind of sicko would like to destroy a utopia where nobody has to read, but I'm going to stop you!"
"You can never stop a man who truly believes in himself!" exclaimed Montag, but just then Holden executed a perfect dropkick to the jaw of Guy Montag. Montag fell to the ground, unconscious.
"Maybe this time, I'll let him live," said Holden. "I kill a lot of people, and this guy seems nice enough." Just then, a giant mechanical dog with Octopus legs pounced on Guy and dragged him out of sight. "Oh good, his puppy came to bring him home" said Holden as he walked away, a smile on his face.
Once more, without a real purpose, Holden walked down the street. After thirty-five seconds, Holden once again saw a man walking towards him.
"Hey, handsome idiot!" yelled Holden. "What's your--OMG! It's Brad Pitt!"
"No need to react, subject," said Pitt. "I'm the unofficial King of Hollywood. You don't have to treat me like George Clooney."
Holden fell to his knee. "Sorry, my lord," he wept. "I am here to do your bidding."
"Arise, we have much to do," Brad responded.
Without asking questions, Holden followed King Pitt to his car. The two hopped in and headed off towards an old aircraft hangar. When they had arrived, Brad instructed Holden to get into his private jet.
"We're about to start and end this war," Pitt said.
"What war?"
"The war for Hollywood! Mr. Clooney believes he can be Hollywood's leading man. I'll show him! I'll make the biggest blockbuster that the world has ever seen!"
"How?" asked Holden.
"Are you not listening? BLOCKBUSTER! We destroy West Future Town, literally busting all of the blocks!"
"Oh, cool. I mean, why not? YOLO, right?" laughed Holden
"YOLO indeed. YOLO indeed..."
The jet took off and King Pitt went to the porcelain throne of Hollywood.
"Holden, is that you?" asked a voice from the cockpit. Holden walked to the cockpit door and discovered Dlanor piloting the plane.
"D?" asked Holden. "When did you get your pilot's license?" Dlanor opened his mouth to answer, but Holden punched him before he could speak any words. "JK, Dlanor, I hate you!"
"Would you hate someone who has a piece of the Age Decompiler?"
"Yes," said Holden as he killed Dlanor with a throat kick.
The toilet flushed and Pitt walked out of the latrine and looked at the bloody mess. He looked up at Holden and asked "Did you just kill the pilot?"
"Yep."
"Well, now our plane is falling to the ground with a huge bomb in the cargo bay."
"Okay," said Holden.
"Do you, by chance, know how to fly?" asked Pitt.
"Flying's easy!"
"Good, I was scared for a second."
"Me too. LOL," laughed Holden as he made himself hover a foot above the plane's floor.
"Wait, you can literally fly? I thought you could fly the plane!" cried Pitt.
"Nope. See you later!"
Holden used magic to blast through the plane's wall. Grabbing Dlanor's body, he jumped from the plain and watched it, Pitt and all, crash down into the city below. Within seconds, pictures of Pitt and special editions of Fight Club were raining from the heavens. All of the orphans were adopted, and Brad Pitt finally won the war for Hollywood. But at what cost, wondered Holden as he searched Dlanor's pocket for the Age Decompiler.
Return Home
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