Gather round, ye boys and girls, for I will tell of Holden Secretbees' most special Christmas. It 'twas lonely Christmas Eve night and Holden sat alone with Dlanor in the cafeteria at the MME tournament. While most of his fellow competitors had traveled home for the Holidays, a select few stayed back. And this, my friends, is where our story begins!
"I Want It All for Christmas"
A completely original song by Holden Secretbees
I really want a lot for Christmas
There's not just one thing I need
All I care for is the presents
Underneath the Future Christmas tree
I want them all for my own
More than you can comprehend
Make my hopes come true
All I want for Christmas is presents
"Knight to E5," said Holden confidently.
"Holden, we're playing checkers," explained Dlanor.
The two were sitting in the cafeteria of the MME tournament. While many other students were saying their goodbyes and leaving, Holden and Dlanor played chess to pass the time.
"Don't tell me what to do!" screamed Holden as he slapped Dlanor across the face.
"That's totally barbaric!" said the British voice belonging to Hermione.
"That's MME chess," said Holden.
"No, Holden. It's just checkers," said Dlanor rubbing his freshly slapped cheek and then turning to Hermione. "I see you've packed."
"I see you haven't."
"Don't be rude! Eat slugs!" shouted Holden, launching a spell at Hermione. She ran off, simultaneously crying and vomiting live slugs.
"That was terrible Holden," said Dlanor.
"Have a happy Christmas," laughed Holden, ignoring Dlanor. "I know I will. I'm gonna get so many presents because everybody loves me!"
"Holden, why were you so mean to her? Haven't you heard of the spirit of Christmas?"
"I hate her. I hope I get a match with her because I'll totally destroy her. Like, I'll frickin' throw a knife right into her frickin' heart," said Holden.
"Riiiiiight. Well, it's getting late," said Dlanor. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"Alright see ya, Dlanor," said Holden. "Don't get upset when I get mountain of present tomorrow and you don't get any. I know that you're super poor and stuff, lol."
"Thanks, Holden," said Dlanor who retired to his room, the box, for the night.
Holden slept peacefully in his bed as visions of future sugarplums danced in his head. He felt a pounding in his gut like the beating of a drum, he ignored it though and kept sucking his thumb...
"Holden. Holden, wake up! Seriously Holden, this is ridiculous!" said Dlanor, elbowing Holden in the ribs.
Holden opened his eyes and found himself in Dlanor's bed, located in Dlanor's box.
"What happened?" Holden asked, confused.
"You had some sort of night terror and ran into my bed. Every time I tried to kick you out you cut off my head. You should really meet up with a therapist to discuss your mental condition. I'm guessing that they stem from--"
"OH! Cool!" said Holden, sitting up on the edge of the bed and chopping off Dlanor's head. "It's Christmas morning!"
Holden jumped out of bed and ran to the balcony of their common room, looking down to examine the Christmas tree.
"Happy Christmas, Holden," said Dlanor sarcastically as he walked into the room massaging his neck.
"I hope you have a stupid Christmas, Dlanor. Hey, what's that ugly rag you're wearing?"
"Oh this?" said Dlanor, referencing the sweater he was wearing, a large letter D stitched in its center. "My mum made it from me. It looks like you have one too, for some reason. I think she feels bad for you honestly. I told her that you only have one set of clothes."
"Tell her that I think she's ugly," said Holden. "But I'll take the sweater anyways. I can make anything look good."
"If you say so," said Dlanor, rolling his eyes.
"And I do. Say, where are the rest of my presents?"
"Um..." Dlanor stuttered.
The two were standing in the living area of the MME dorms. Dlanor's room was shoved to the side to make space for the tree. The room was nearly empty. Dlanor himself had only gotten the sweater as a gift.
"Hey, what are you, poor or something?" asked Holden. "I mean, you only got one gift. I bet mine are hidden around here somewhere. It's kind of like an Easter egg hunt, except it's Christmas; a Christmas egg hung!"
"Uh, yeah, that's it. Look around Holden," said Dlanor.
"Whoa look at that!" yelled Holden, pointing to the armchair that had been there since Holden's first day at the tourney. "Someone got me a new chair! Cool!"
"Uh, yeah! And what's this?" asked Dlanor, frantically running over the garbage can, emptying it's contents, and pulling out the black plastic garbage bag.
"WOAH! I know what this is!" exclaimed Holden snatching the garbage bag from Dlanor's hands. "This is a cloak-of-turning-not-visible. They're super rare!"
"Um... yeah, that's it!" replied Dlanor as Holden threw the 'cloak' over his head.
"Look Dlanor, I can't see anything, and you can't see me!" shouted Holden, waving his hand in front of his face. "Hey Dlanor, it's getting a little hard to breathe in here. Do you think it takes some of my power to use the cloak?" asked Holden, his face turning blue from the lack of oxygen. He tried to inhale but only managed to suck the plastic material into his mouth.
"That would only make sense," said Dlanor, trying not to laugh.
Suddenly, Holden ripped his head through the bottom of the garbage bag.
"WOAH! Look at me Dlanor, my body is gone!" giggled Holden as he swirled around in his garbage bag. "Hey look, someone left a card! What's it say Dlanor?"
The card Holden was referring to was a crumpled up piece of receipt that had fell out of the garbage can.
"Uh, it says..." said Dlanor, picking up the paper and uncrumpling it. "Um..."
"I'll read it," suggested Holden.
"NO!" yelled Dlanor. "I mean, no, I'll do it. I wouldn't want you to have to read on Christmas."
"Wow, thanks, that's so considerate," said Holden.
"It says to use it well," said Dlanor.
"Use it well?" asked Holden with a puzzled look.
"Yep, use it well," said Dlanor. "Now, let's go get some breakfast."
"Wait one second," said Holden, still just twirling around in his bag. "Who's it from? Who gave me this awesome gift?"
"It doesn't say, and that doesn't matter right now," said Dlanor, throwing the receipt back into the trash can. "Let's go to the cafeteria for the Christmas feast."
"Wait a second!" said Holden. "What's that in the fire?"
"Those are just ashes and embers," explained Dlanor.
"No way. I think I see my godfather, Jovial White!" exclaimed Holden.
"Your godfather is not in the fire, Holden," said Dlanor condescendingly.
"Yes he is, he's trying to communicate with me!" yelled Holden as he charged head first towards the fire. "I'm coming for you Jovial White!"
Dlanor had to tackle Holden before he hit the fire and burned himself alive. He pulled out his wand and yelled "Aquarius!" A stream of water shot out at the fire.
"NOOOOOO!" whispered Holden. "You killed my uncle!"
"I thought he was your godfather," said Dlanor.
"What's the difference?" asked Holden. "You still killed him. You're really killing my Christmas buzz Dlanor. I just wanted to wake up and enjoy my mountain of presents by myself, but you just had to bring your lonely butt along to my celebration!"
"Holden," said Dlanor calmly, "you're an awful person. I'm going home."
"What? Are you going back to the cardboard box you call a house?" Holden teased. "How about you talk to me when you're not poor!"
"Piss off," retorted Dlanor. And with that he cast a flame spell at the fireplace, threw in a handful of Ebola powder, and stepped into the fire.
"Good riddance," scoffed Holden. "I'm going to eat my Christmas feast."
When Holden reached the cafeteria it was nearly empty. The only other soul around was the MME ghost, Completely Headless Jim. Holden had removed his head during a fight over some chunky peanut butter only a day prior.
"Dlanor, where is everybody?" asked Holden. "Dlanor? I wonder where he went. Oh wait, I hate him so I don't care! Hey, I'm going to go grab some grub."
Holden grabbed a tray and went to go get some food. When he returned he looked very upset.
"What's wrong Holden?" Holden asked himself.
"Some Christmas feast this is, Holden. All they have is left over chicken patties. Not even buns. Just the patties! I mean, what's up with that?" There was no reply. "I SAID, what's up with that?" he asked again. Finally he turned and saw that he was completely alone. There was nobody else in the cafeteria. Even Completely Headless Jim had disappeared. He was alone on Christmas.
"Where is everybody? Am I really the only person here? Did everyone leave me?" Tears began welling up in his eyes. "I never thought this would ever happen," he said, brushing off the bulbs of salty joy forming under his eyes. "I'm alone. I have this whole building to myself. THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!"
And that is the story of Holden's best Christmas. While some choose to surround themselves with friends and family, Holden chose to spend the holidays with his one and only friend, himself.
Happy Easter everyone!
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